Visibly Broken Page 7

I watch as Jason’s fists clench more firmly as he looks down at him.

  “Now I get a minute.”

  “She’s fine.”

  “And your medical degree comes from where?” Dr. Bennett walks around him and sits down.

  I glance up and see Jason glaring at him.

  “Medically, you are fine.” Sam looks back at Jason. “I would like you to come to the house and stay with me.”

  Jason hisses, and Dr. Bennett looks back at him.

  “A minute.”

  Jason looks at me. He’s angry.

  “We need a minute,” I tell him.

  “You’ve got two.” He holds his fingers up. “Then we’re out of here.” He walks out the door, but the sound of his shoes stop, and I know he is right outside the door.

  “How many times has this happened?” Dr. Bennett whispers.

  “It’s the first time since college.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks, concerned.

  I nod. “Yes.”

  “I’d love to have you back. We miss you. Rochelle and Ryan miss you. They’re both home for a week, and I know—”

  “I’m really fine,” I say quickly. He looks upset. “I am stronger now. I am—”

  “Sweetheart, I know how strong you are.” He places his hand on my wrist. “But I know, once in a while, all of us need someone. You have the four of us, Lorraine. Anytime.” The Bennetts have always been my safe haven. After talking to the police, I couldn’t think of anyone to call but Dr. Bennett’s son, Ryan, since they were…together. I went home with him and stayed until I could sort out my life.

  “I know, and I hope you know how much I appreciate it,” I whisper, hoping Jason doesn’t hear. I don’t want him to know anymore than he already does.

  “Have you thought anymore about putting the house up for sale?” Dr. Bennett asks, and I shake my head. “I think you should.”

  “I feel close to them,” I whisper.

  “It’s been five years.” His tone is sad.

  “I know.”

  “Have you let anyone inside? Have you had company?”

  I start to answer, but Jason walks in. “I’ve been to her house.”

  Dr. Bennett looks shocked then confused. He looks at me. “Okay, then.” He stands up. “We miss you, sweetheart.”

  I’m not sure if I am imagining it, but I think Jason growls. I look at Sam, but he apparently didn’t hear anything.

  “I promise I’ll visit. I miss you all, too.” What I tell him is a lie. I see him all the time, even Sarah, his wife. But his children, I avoid them. I have to.

  “Use the back exit. Then the entire ER staff won’t bombard you.”

  “Thank you.” I nod. “Thank you so much.”

  —

  Jason opens the door to his car, and I slide in. I have no choice. Something tells me he knows my secrets. Of course he does. He has been in my house.

  He gets in without saying a word and starts up the car before quickly pulling out of the parking lot.

  “A left at the light,” I say, trying to sound strong.

  “I know,” he grumbles.

  The rest of the ride is silent. I watch out the window as we pass the streetlights, counting them as we go by, trying desperately to take my mind off the awkwardness of the situation.

  As soon as we pull onto my street, I grab the passenger-side handle, fear gripping me like a hand around my throat.

  He pulls into the driveway and immediately gets out. Before I can pry my hand off the door handle, he is opening it, but I can’t move.

  “Let’s go,” he sneers.

  I feel the tremble start in my hands. Then my body shakes.

  “We need to pull into the garage,” I manage to say before I feel dizzy. I know I’m going to pass out again, but then he dips down and scoops me up. “I can’t!”

  “The fuck you can’t,” he says with a fieriness I wish I could borrow. I desperately wish I could borrow it right now.

  He marches to the front door and opens it.

  “It wasn’t locked!” I gasp.

  He doesn’t answer as he walks in and kicks the door shut behind him. He tries to sit me down, but my arms automatically wrap around his neck.

  “Jesus Christ,” he whispers, holding me more securely. “You’ve gotta stop shaking.”

  “I think I’m going to pass out,” I whisper to myself, but apparently, it’s out loud.

  “I’m not taking you back to that hospital, so you better fucking not,” he says softly as he leans against the closed door then slides down until he sits on the floor with me in his lap. Then he clears his throat and adds in a much harsher tone, “You’ve got some explaining to do, Lorraine Bosch.”

  I look up at him when he says my full name.

  His eyebrows slowly creep up. “When I walked in here tonight to save your ass,” he says snidely, “I saw the blocked-off stairway, the empty rooms. I mean, fucking empty. How the fuck do you live here? It’s like the fucking Bates Motel. As a matter of fact, a shit-bag motel is more comfortable than this place.” He shakes his head, and I start to look away, but he stops me by lifting my chin. “Where do your eyes belong?”

  Shock overtakes me, and I gasp.

  “I’m so fucking confused by you right now.” He leans down and kisses me harshly on the mouth. I try to pull away, but he grips the back of my neck, stopping me. “You fucking kiss me now.”

  “I’m not. I’m—”

  “Is it the doctor?”

  I start to respond, but he shakes his head.

  “He’s fucking old enough to be your father.” He stops and looks at me, almost like he fears he has offended me…almost. “He’s too fucking old for you.”

  He starts to stand, nodding for me to move. I look around, then back at him. He clenches his jaw, and then I kiss him.

  “Fuck,” he whispers against my lips before cupping my face and positioning me to his liking.

  His tongue is possessive, his touch rough, and as I get lost in the kiss, I feel my back hit the floor.

  His hand runs up my side as he pushes my shirt up farther and farther.

  “Don’t ask me to stop,” he says before bending his head down and taking my breast in his mouth.

  “Oh, God,” I whimper. “I can’t. I can’t.”

  He looks up, his mouth still around my nipple, sucking so hard it’s a pleasure and pain mix. If I could let go, I would, but I can’t.

  “I just can’t,” I cry out.

  He allows my breast to drop from his mouth. Then he pushes himself up with such swiftness it’s almost animalistic.

  He turns and grabs the door handle. “Take care—”

  “Wait!” I panic as I sit up before crawling to him and gripping his leg.

  “Jesus Christ, angel,” he says, grabbing me under the arms and pulling me up. “I’m not doing this shit. I’m not gonna fuck around with some crazy-ass chick.” He stops and looks around then back at me. “This is fucking insane, you know that!”

  I nod quickly because I do know. “I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like. I know. I really do. But I can’t…” I stop when tears begin to fall, and I wipe my eyes. “I am so tired.”

  I see him shift and think he is going to leave. I don’t want him to, but I don’t want him to stay, either. I don’t know what I want.

  The tears begin falling faster while both Boots and Socks emerge from the kitchen.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry,” I say, squatting down. “I am so sorry.” They are not in their regular places.

  I look up at him. “Can you just lock the door on your way out?”

  His eyes squint together, and he slowly shakes his head. “The lock’s busted. Alarm system is tripped. You’ll need someone to take a look at it.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to get my thoughts together.

  He squats down next to me. “I thought you were getting fucking jumped. I followed a brunette woman here.” He cups my chin and turns my head toward him. “You
get what I’m saying, angel eyes?”

  I look down. “I’m not crazy. I just. I just sometimes—”

  “Pretend to be your dead sister and go to kink clubs to get fucked? Totally sane.” He shakes his head and looks at me oddly.

  “There are reasons.”

  “Care to fucking share?”

  I shake my head.

  “All right, then.” He starts to stand. “You need to sell this place, because you are a little fucked up in the head, and this shit ain’t helping.”

  He walks over to the stairway and knocks on the plywood. “Ghosts don’t need doors, angel, and they aren’t real. So what the hell is up with this?”

  I clear my throat, stand, and whisper, “The cats. They go up there, but I can’t.”

  He nods. “Because that’s where your family was found murdered.” I can’t hide my shock. “Google ‘Lorraine Bosch,’ and you see pictures of a scared teenage girl. Google this address, and you know exactly why.”

  I feel my bottom lip quiver. “I was late. I was with a boy, and I was late coming home. If I had been here—”

  “You’d have been dead, too,” he interrupts, shaking his head. Looking around, his eyes search the place. The concern shows but there is an underlying emotion I can’t quite figure out. “Where do you sleep?”

  Dear God, I don’t want to answer, but I do. “In the basement.”

  He doesn’t even look at me like he did, like I’m nuts. “Got tools down there?”

  I nod.

  “Good, show me what you’ve got, and I’m gonna screw that door shut until I can fix it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He nods. “I said it, didn’t I?”

  I nod.

  “While I’m doing that…” He looks around as if he’s trying to find a task for me, something to busy me, like my father used to. “Do you have something to make a sandwich?”

  I can’t help smiling. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

  Chapter 10

  Jason

  Insanity, chaos, post-traumatic, or any other thing that will take me to a padded room and throw away the key, I need to walk away from. The evil inside me is not what this chick needs. Some serious therapy, possibly some medication, and someone much better than me are what she deserves.

  Grabbing a drill and some screws, I go to tackle the door I messed up. I can hear her humming in the kitchen as she makes my sandwich. What a fucking night.

  I finish getting the door secured just as she comes over with a ham and cheese sandwich piled high. I raise an eyebrow at her.

  “You’re a big guy. I thought you’d be hungry,” she says shyly.

  I can’t help wondering where the vixen from the club is. I also can’t help wondering if we are both in over our heads here.

  Biting into the sandwich, I smile. When was the last time someone did something simple for me like make a sandwich? My mind goes back. There isn’t a time outside of when Tatiana stayed with me. Not my mom, not Missy, and sure as fuck not my dad.

  I realize how late it is, so I take my plate back to the kitchen.

  Lorraine seems on edge as she checks every window and door. Needing to connect with her, I take her by the hand.

  “Breathe, angel. Let’s get you to bed, and I’ll make sure everything is secure before I leave.”

  Her eyes grow wide in fear, but she stomps it down.

  Hand in hand, I guide her to the basement room. The two fur balls she has for pets follow us down like they are more than ready to settle in for the night.

  Her eyes give too much away as she looks at me. The fear shows. The years of pushing her body beyond its limit show. The fatigue of too many unknowns shows.

  I run my hands through my hair as I look around the space. There’s not much here, but I can make it work.

  “Get to bed, angel. I’ll be here to watch over you while you sleep.”

  Her eyes grow wide.

  “I’ll be in the chair, not your bed.”

  She isn’t ready for that, and I have too many questions that need answers before I can let myself go there again. I’m in over my head; she’s been in over her head for more time than I’m sure she cares to think about. I need to walk away, but every time I look in her angel eyes, I’m drawn to stay. Those eyes keep me wanting more than I’ve ever wanted in my entire life.

  Timidly, she climbs into the bed. It’s after two in the morning, so she should be as exhausted as I am or more so.

  The two cats climb in beside her as if they can finally rest, too, and I make my way to the recliner in the corner and sit. I don’t close my eyes. I don’t settle my mind. I allow my body to find its rest. I calm my heart rate and slow my breathing. What I don’t do is sleep.

  It’s not long before she starts tossing and turning. Her words are incomprehensible until she wails, “I’m sorry, so sorry. Heidi, I’m sorry. Mom, Dad, don’t be dead.” She is screaming and all twisted in the sheets.

  Getting up, I move to the bed. I don’t touch her. I have had enough of my own nightmares to know not to touch her.

  “You’re okay, angel. It’s okay.” I try to bring her out of it.

  She sits up with a jolt, and I move back to avoid her hitting me with her head. Her breathing is too fast, and she is covered in a sheen of sweat.

  “Calm down, angel. It was a bad dream.”

  Her wild eyes shine in the darkness. “If only that were true…”

  If only it were true…Regardless, I can’t take that kind of pain away.

  “You need to rest.”

  “You should go.” She looks to the door instead of at me.

  I slide my shoes off and climb into bed beside her. She looks at me with her hair a mess and surprise in her eyes, but she doesn’t tell me to stop. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. She doesn’t relax. She doesn’t fall asleep. If anything, she seems wound more tightly.

  We lie together in the dark with both our minds in thought. Hers is most likely on her loss, and my mind runs wild with what to do next.

  “Angel,” I say, and she sits up to look at me. “You can’t sleep. I can’t sleep.”

  She gasps. “I’m not having sex with you. I barely know you.”

  I laugh even though I know she’s the woman from the club. If this is what she needs right now, so be it. “That is a better idea than the one I have.”

  “Oh,” she says shyly.

  “Let’s work out.”

  “Huh?”

  “Look, we don’t know each other well. I know more about you from the fucking Internet instead of from your lips, but it’s okay. I have a hell of my own to live, and when I can’t turn my mind off, I run.”

  “You want me to run with you? You don’t want to have sex?”

  “Oh, angel, I want to fuck you. I am a man.” As much as I shouldn’t want to fuck her, I do. As much as I should walk away, I don’t. Instead, I tell her exactly what I think in the moment. “I will fuck you, but not right now. Your head’s not there.”

  I sit up, taking her with me. Then she surprises me when she follows me out of the bed. I grab my shoes and head to the door.

  At the top of the basement stairs, she hesitates. I take her by the hand and guide her out into the space of her kitchen.

  “I-I,” she stammers as she fights to get her breathing under control. “I don’t go out at night.”

  I want to call bullshit, but now is not the time. My body is already amped up to feel the burn through my muscles.

  “Angel, you’re not alone.” I kiss the top of her head and pull her into me. “You feel me? You feel me here with you? No more fighting the darkness alone. I’m here. Right. Here. With. You.”

  She nods against me.

  Giving her a moment to get her breathing under control, I simply hold her. When she is steady, I separate us, and then we head to the back door.

  Sliding on my shoes, I realize I’m still in my club clothes. Not only do I desperately need a shower, but this is not ideal for a workout. Well,
it will slow me down so that maybe she can keep up.

  Silently, we pound the pavement together. The steady thumping of our feet is in sync with each step of our jog, becoming its own lullaby of sorts. It’s not long before she is breathing heavily but steadily and seems to have worked out some of what is going on in that beautiful head of hers. My feet ache from the tight confines of my shoes, and I swear my pants are ready to bust at the strain of my oversized thighs stretching as my muscles move.

  When we slow, I look to see the sun rising. I can’t stop the laugh that erupts from me.

  Lorraine looks at me as if I’m as crazy as she is.

  “What?” I hold my hand to my chest in mock offense. “I’ve never seen the sunrise with a woman before.”

  I haven’t, not like this. Sure, I have taken women to bed and woken up with them, but never have I spent the morning on a run and watched the sun come up on a new day and a new beginning with a woman before.

  “It’s not my thing.”

  “You’re a good man, Jason.”

  I tip her chin to make her eyes meet mine. “Angel, the only good thing about me is right in front of my face. I’m a monster inside, and you should know that.”

  Something I have seen too many times before flashes in her eyes—challenge.

  Frustration grows inside me. Like a parasite, it latches on, and I feel the tightening in my chest.

  “I don’t see a monster.”

  My tone is sharp as I hold myself back. “Men like me don’t change. Evil is in my veins.”

  “Then why bust through my door to save me? Why take me to the hospital? Why get me out of my self-made prison to see the dawn of a new day? If you’re so bad, why be so…good?”

  I trace my finger over her jawline. There is trepidation in her eyes, but the challenge remains firm. “There is no good inside of me. There is in you. I’m here for you, though not because I’m some knight in shining armor. Angel, you’ve gotta know, don’t ever try to fix a man, especially one like me. You can’t tame the beast inside me.”

  She thinks for a moment, her eyes glistening with a pain from long ago. “I may not be able to tame the beast inside of you. I may not be able to beat back the darkness in your depths, Jason. I may not be able to fix myself, and I know I can’t fix anyone else, but maybe I can help you fight back, kind of like you are with me right now.”