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  “Condom, Michael, in the nightstand.”

  “No, Dina. You’re mine. We do this, I go raw.” He says a little more firmly than I would like.

  “I’m not on birth control right now. I’ll go to the doctor and get on it, and then you can be bare. Please Michael, for now? I don’t want an unexpected pregnancy. You understand don’t you?” I plead.

  Sighing in frustration, he reaches towards the nightstand, and covers himself. “Only until you’re on birth control then no more. I don’t want anything between us Dina.”

  Before I can respond further, he’s licking that sweet spot up behind my ear. I moan pulling him closer to me as I raise my hips seeking him out. He growls as he begins to enter my tight core.

  “So tight, baby, I love that you’re so tight.” Michael whispers as my body adjusts to his size. He begins to move slowly and tenderly. Instinctively my body clenches around him, milking him. “You feel so good, Dina.” I smile against him, relishing in the feeling of our joined bodies. He feels good as he slides in and out of me. He sucks on my nipple as he begins to increase his tempo. With his climax impending, he reaches between us and circles my clit. As I go soaring over the edge into my own orgasm; he groans as he reaches his pinnacle. He lays over me, still inside me as he kisses me softly. Gradually he pulls out of me and goes to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean up.

  He comes back to bed. Pulling me close to him, my back to his front, he nuzzles my neck. Good thing I wasn’t really hungry for food. Michael and I are comfortably snuggled together, both satisfied. As I begin to drift off to sleep, I hear him whispering.

  “You’re mine now, Dina. No one else can have you. I love you and you are mine.”

  Smiling to myself at his confession of love and devotion I fall fast asleep.

  Chapter Seven

  Short Lived

  Waking up with Michael, after our first time, was nothing short of amazing. I’ve never felt so at peace. Never have I ever been so comfortable in my own skin. This glorious man wants me, claims me, and loves me. Going from feeling alone, to someone wanting me all to himself, who wouldn’t be happy with that?

  The morning after euphoria is short lived. As happy as I am in our relationship, I find things grow tense at times. I’m not naïve enough to believe we won’t have challenges, but sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to fall off, as the saying goes. Trying not to borrow trouble, I cast those negative thoughts aside.

  Michael and I have been together over six months now. We’re settled into our places in each other’s lives. We’re practically inseparable. The only time we aren’t together is when we have class or Michael has to work. His sexual appetite is insatiable. Having him in my bed nightly, now, is enjoyable. He still has his own place but spends most nights with me. Sometimes he leaves me after sex, but most nights I go to bed after an orgasm and wake up to start my day with one. I’ve realized I have no stamina, maybe some time at the gym will help.

  The other night, while lying in bed, Michael pinched my thighs, saying, “It looks like that freshman fifteen waited to catch up to you now.” This awakened me to my poor eating habits and lack of exercise outside of our bedroom activities. My clothes don’t fit me any differently from when we started dating. Maybe my muscle tone is not what it once was. The more I think on it, the more I realize I need to go back to the gym. Hopefully, Maggie will want to go with me. I miss my best friend.

  To have that time together would be good for us. I don’t see her much. Michael doesn’t like us hanging out. He says his time with me is limited, and he prefers us to be alone. Even if Maggie is home, when Michael is over, we stay in my bedroom. Michael feels that Maggie is too boy crazy and unfocused. He doesn’t want her immaturity to rub off on me. Yes, Maggie is wild compared to me, but she’s fun. I miss the times we had before my parents died, when I had not a care in the world. I’ve had to grow up and Maggie isn’t there yet, Michael says. I don’t know that I agree. Maggie was with me through my loss. It may not have been her parents, but she felt what I felt all the same.

  Michael is wrong about Maggie. She’s not boy crazy; she’s Brayden crazy. She’s happy, carefree, young, and blissfully in love. I wish Michael would get to know her better; then he could see she’s my rock. Michael wants to be my rock, that’s why he cares so much about what I do and who I associate with. He wants to be the one to be there for me. It’s hard because I miss my best friend, but I know Michael does this because he loves me. He brings up valid points when we discuss the future. Maggie and I will eventually go our separate ways, it’s bound to happen. She and Brayden are already serious. One day, probably sooner than I would like, she’ll leave me to go on with her relationship with Brayden. Michael doesn’t want me to be hurt and alone when she moves on with her life. He wants to be my comforter, protector, and go to person for all things. Knowing that, in a way, Michael is right. I’ve let things slip with Maggie and me, the void between us is growing.

  If we could start going to the gym together, maybe we could get some of our bond back. Maybe this will show Michael that she’s not a bad influence. He can see how focused she and I can be together, when achieving a goal. He can see she won’t be taking me away from him, nor will she be leaving me. I can have time with my best friend as I work away my jiggles, as he calls them.

  That’s my new nickname from Michael as a matter of fact. Jiggles. At first, I didn’t know what to think. What woman wants to be called Jiggles? Now I find it to be a cute endearment. He cares that I take care of my body. Looking over his schedule, I see where I can work in gym time, while Michael is at work. I don’t want to sacrifice our time together because I didn’t control my eating habits and gained a few pounds. No need for Michael to be punished for my mistakes.

  Being with Michael centers me. I feel driven to please him, to make this work. Michael’s parents divorced when he was younger. His dad left and never looked back. He says it’s because his mom didn’t keep his dad satisfied. According to Michael, his mom lost the best thing that ever happened to her when his dad left. She didn’t make his dad a priority, that’s why he left. I don’t want to lose Michael. He is my top priority. The void I felt before he came into my life is not a feeling I want to have again.

  Chapter Eight

  Problem

  Maggie and I are having a girl’s night in. We’re in our pajamas watching a movie. My phone rings, its Michael, he’s not been feeling well.

  “Hey, baby.” I answer.

  “Where the fuck are you?” He barks.

  “I’m at home, watching a movie with Maggie. What’s your problem?”

  “My problem? My fucking problem, since you’re too dumb to figure it out, is I’m sick and my selfish bitch of a girlfriend is whoring around with her slut friend instead of taking care of me.”

  Not wanting Maggie to hear his obscenities, I retreat to my bedroom. Trying to keep my tears at bay, I reply.

  “Michael, do you want me to come over? Earlier you said to stay home and you would see me tomorrow. I don’t appreciate the things you’re saying. I’m not a whore; I would never cheat on you. I love you Michael. Maggie is in a committed relationship; we are two best friends catching up. If you want me at your house with you, just say so.”

  “You don’t give two shits about me. If you did, I wouldn’t have to ask. Your priority is with that cunt you live with and not me. Dina, she doesn’t care about you like I do. She’s going to leave your ass and then you will be crying to me. You have no family; no one cares about you but me. You are one stupid bitch to think you mean more to her then him; especially when Brayden has his dick in her daily. I bet you’re at his house right now. Did I interrupt you from sucking her boyfriend’s roommate off?”

  “Michael, where is this coming from? I don’t understand.” I cry, unable to stop the tears at his harsh words.

  “Where is this coming from? Damn, you really are clueless. Look around you Dina; no one is here but me. Maggie pities yo
u for who you once were, she’s waiting for her time to fade out. And you’re so far up her ass you don’t realize she is fazing you out. She is more important than me. You would do anything for her.”

  Sobbing now, I respond. “Yes, I would do anything for her, she’s my family. I would do anything for you, too.”

  Immediately, his harsh laughter cuts me off. “Family, you have no family, Dina. You’re damn lucky I stick around. Do you really think any man would put up with your whining? You’re used goods, Dina. Yes, I noticed I wasn’t your first, you whore. How many were there before me? Wait, I don’t want to know. You’ll have some excuse for that. Daddy issues or some bullshit. Oh poor Dina, the orphan, because her parents died. Poor Dina, she doesn’t know what to do. Look in the mirror; you won’t get anyone better than me. Your precious Maggie, whom you have on such a pedestal, thinks of you as an afterthought in her life. A convenient companion.”

  Crying hysterically now, lost in the truth behind his words, my body shudders. “Michael, please, you mean so much to me. I don’t want to fight. I love you, Michael.” I stammer. I don’t want to lose him. His tongue, the sharpest of weapons tonight, holds truth behind some of what he says. Maggie and I do have a distance between us. My other friends are gone. My real family is nonexistent. Without Michael, I’m no one’s priority; I’m barely anything to anyone.

  “If you love me, then you would be here with me.” He states suddenly much calmer. The sharpness gone from his tone, now sounding sincerely hurt.

  “I’m leaving now. I’ll be right there. I’m sorry I didn’t put you first and come without being asked.”

  I spend the next four days taking care of Michael, who has the flu. As soon as I arrive at his house he acts as if nothing happened between us. My insecurities tramped down my ability to face him with his hurtful words. Rather, I internalized my emotions and carried on. Is this what my future holds? Walking on eggshells, waiting for the next time I don’t read Michaels mind.

  I’m so confused. I love this man and when he’s good, he’s good. He does all the right things: opens doors, pays for our dates, and spends time with me; talking, listening, and all that. He can be kind when he wants to. He makes snarky remarks daily, giving me little put downs to let me know what’s bothering him. It’s always in a passive aggressive way. I know I’m not perfect, but I never realized how flawed I was until Michael began pointing it out.

  Chapter Nine

  It Begins

  Michael really doesn’t want me to hang out with Maggie anymore. She’s been begging me to go out to dinner with her and Brayden, as a double date. They’ve gotten serious and yet I haven’t really spent much time with him. What a friend I’ve been. I know so little of Brayden, other than he has a roommate named Ryder and he makes Maggie happy.

  Knowing Maggie and Michael aren’t overly friendly with one another, I purposely don’t tell him about dinner with Brayden. I’m tense as I arrive at the restaurant. It’s been so long since I’ve casually hung out with anyone other than Maggie or Michael. Settling in, I quickly find myself relaxing. Brayden is great and Maggie is the happiest I’ve ever seen her.

  We finish our meal. Dessert is coming, when my body instantly seems to ignite. Looking around I see the most gorgeous man walking toward us. He has a girl with him, but I’m so drawn to him, I don’t notice her at first. He’s tall, built, and has this dark spikey hair. I can’t stop staring at him.

  He strides directly to our table and fist pounds Brayden. He looks right at me, "Well, hello beautiful, you must be Maggie’s roommate, Dina. I’m Ryder Davenport. It’s nice to finally meet you."

  I stick out my hand to shake his, "Yes, Dina…Dina Fowler." I stammer out in awe at the man in front of me.

  Before I can say anything else, I feel cold fear run through my veins. The next moment, Michael has his hands wrapped in my very long hair and is yanking me out of my chair. The look in his eyes is of pure venom; it’s one of poisonous anger.

  Ryder steps in, Maggie jumps up and before they can make a scene I put my hand up to stop them. "It’s okay, we have to leave."

  Michael releases my hair but is now holding, painfully tight, to my wrist, half dragging me away as I stumble to gain solid footing.

  As we walk out, I hear Ryder yell, "Dina, don't go with him!"

  I can hear Maggie crying but I can't stop myself, I want away from it all.

  Michael drives me home, all while screaming obscenities at me. He’s saying I’m a whore and cheating on him. I deserve to be alone. I should have told him where I was going. I did go behind his back, knowing he doesn’t particularly care for Maggie. I deserve his anger.

  Confined to the car, in close proximity, I have nowhere to escape his rage. Suddenly, he hits me in the face. Surprise, shock, and humiliation consume me. He continues to back hand me repeatedly, causing a black eye, a busted lip, and bloody nose. As quickly as he starts, he stops and leaves, kicking me out of the car, saying nothing further. I reach my apartment and crumple to the floor in agony. Does this mean it’s over? Is he leaving me for good? What the hell just happened? He’s never done this before.

  I know things haven’t been perfect, but I love him. My selfish need to feel like I’m a part of Maggie’s life caused this. Michael was right, she’s moving on with her life. She’s got a good thing with Brayden, I see the love they share in their eyes. Michael is all I have left. Now, I messed up and he’s angry. Can he forgive me? I won’t do it again, if I can find a way to fix things with him. These thoughts swirl on a continuous loop in my head. I caused this, my selfish wants, my lack of honesty. I deserve this. Michael was right when he screamed at me all the way home.

  Brayden and Maggie arrive home, not far behind us. Since someone had to pay our dinner check, they were a few minutes behind, giving Michael the time he needed to escape. Michael really left me. He’s long gone now, but that didn't stop Brayden from looking. He took one look at me, told Mags to lock the door and not open it for anyone. He bolts, taking off in search of Michael.

  Maggie cleans me up and holds me silently while I cry. What can I say to her? She’s happy and in love, she won’t understand my relationship with Michael. Our love is special; he’s my everything. Maggie is beautiful, full of life. She can get any guy she wants. Never having dealt with the loss I’ve had, she doesn’t understand that Michael brought me out of the dark. He’s my safe place from the loneliness that once engulfed me.

  Every relationship has problems, ours is no different. I hope I’m given the opportunity to fix this. Maggie is crying beside me, snapping me out of my lost thoughts.

  “Dina, what the hell is wrong with him?” She asks.

  “It’s all my fault. Maggie, I didn’t tell him where I was going.” I sob.

  “THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. No man ever should hit a woman.” She declares firmly.

  “He didn’t mean to. He’s never done this before. Maggie, I should’ve invited him. I was selfish wanting time with you.”

  “Dina, nothing justifies this. He made you bleed. I’m sure you will have bruises.” She cries holding my hand. “Please, Dina, think about this.”

  I say nothing and go to my room. She doesn’t understand. Michael doesn’t call me and the silence is maddening. I’m hurting and he’s not here to comfort me. I deserve the punishment, but to be shut out, it crushes me.

  Chapter Ten

  (2 Months Later)

  Love Is Blind

  Michael and I worked through things after that night. He apologized, promised it would never happen again, and showered me with gifts and attention. Things aren’t perfect, but he’s with me. He loves me. We’ve been together long enough that I know what he wants, needs, and expects of me. When I fail, I deserve to be punished. This teaches me to think before I make the same mistake twice. Michael doesn’t want to hurt me. He does it to make me be better for him, for us. The last few months have been hell. It’s my own doing. I know what triggers Michael, well most of the time.

 
I’m not one hundred percent sure what set him off last night though. He usually likes the color green on me. When I put on the silk green bra and panty set with garters and stockings, I never imagined it would have upset him. I wanted a romantic evening. Candles lit throughout my room, Maggie is at Brayden’s for the night, I text Michael to come over.

  He enters my room, I saunter over to him. As I reach up to kiss him, he grabs my wrist. “What the hell is this?” Taken aback by his attitude, I remain silent.

  “Dina, what the hell is this? You dirty little whore. You want dick. This is about not getting my cock enough?” He says grabbing himself with his free hand. “Everything is always on your terms.” He shouts at me.

  “No, Michael, I just thought…”

  “You thought… who told you to think. I’ll give you my fucking dick when I damn well want to, not because you are being greedy and trying to seduce me.”

  Before I can respond, the back of his hand comes across my face. I taste the metallic of my blood, from my now busted lip. He’s holding me by my wrist so tightly my hand is numb from the lack of circulation. He back hands me again. The room is spinning. My nose is now bleeding, my eyes swelling, as he repeatedly hits me.

  Suddenly, he releases my wrist and grabs both my breasts, yanking them free from the cups of my bra. He pinches one. At my wince he comes down and sucks the other then bites me harshly.

  “This is what you want, bitch? You want my dick, that’s what you called me here for.”

  With that, I’m shoved onto my bed. Scared and unsure of what’s going to happen, I become frozen in this place and time. He tugs harshly on my panties, removing them. Lost in emotion, lost in the rough sensations, and lost in thoughts of a night going terribly wrong, I’m surprised when Michael roughly inserts two fingers in my core.